Counseling – No Country for Old Men??
Recently, a 79 year old male client and I were discussing the topic of courage. His courage. Having to do with the fact that he has been coming to weekly counseling sessions with me for two years now. His adult son is having some challenges in his life and we discussed whether this father, my client, might want to tell his son that he has been diligently working on his own challenges, with the help of a therapist, for these past years.
My question for us to discuss was: did he think it might engender a feeling of respect and courage in the son to know that his senior dad is not above actively seeking out help and a sounding board where he can find support and ideas regarding his own situations.
My client, this father and brave pioneer, hesitated. He expressed doubt that this would matter to his son. I asked him, “Do you have any guess about how many senior men come to counseling? What percent do you think of all older folks who go to counselors are men?” He had no idea he replied.
I told him I guestimate that it’s about 15% at most. Later, I asked the same questions to my 75 year old male colleague who has been a practicing psychologist for the past many decades. His reply and guess? 5%!
Looking around the Internet, I find articles estimating the numbers to be about 10%.
So, yes, I think it’s VERY impressive for me anyway when older men seek out therapeutic relationships where they can get in touch with their feelings – all of them – and find a supportive, nonjudgmental, caring sounding board and confidante.
Like women, the older men who have seeked me out for counseling, do not want to burden their adult children and/or friends with all of their concerns. They don’t want to be burdens and they need the safety, as well, of confidentiality.
Over the past years of my counseling career, I count myself so blessed to have had and currently have older men clients in my client population. My oldest male client is currently about to turn 90! And, my very first client, many years ago was a gentleman in his late 80’s.
My joy is that they often have not ever been in counseling in their lives and that now they have a place to talk about getting older, about their relationships, who they’ve lost, their joys and their sorrows, their military careers, the whole nine yards!
So, actually, counseling totally IS a country for old men! And for older women. For all ages! We never stop learning. “An unexamined life is not worth living”, said Aristotle. I agree. Let’s keep learning and looking and feeling and getting touch with ourselves. There is ALWAYS room for growth and healing for all of us.
With Respect and Love,
Nancy