Onward Thru the Fog

I want to write a little more about what I see us going through, collectively, as a culture right now in this time of the Covid-19 pandemic.

I know this is a hard time for everyone. In renowned grief expert Dr. David Kessler and shame/vulnerability researcher Dr. Brene Brown’s remarkable recent talk on Grief and Finding Meaning, they agreed that our own grief is always the biggest. Which is to say that regardless of the extent or type of loss everyone has had, our own grief feels the biggest, and that is a normal feeling!

We are each experiencing individual losses in this time of the coronavirus – loss of routine, loss of freedom to run around to wherever we want whenever we want, perhaps loss of loved ones, loss of our own health, loss of job/businesses or income, loss of school for our kids, loss of vacation or travel plans. The list goes on and on.

And, then, together we are all collectively experiencing this unknowing when it comes to the future. How fast will things open up? When will they come up with widespread testing? When will there be a vaccine and how will it be distributed? When will the coronavirus abate? Will things get better in the summer? Will there be a big recurrence in the fall and the winter?  When will the economy recover?

Nobody knows the answers to these questions. Nobody. Experts and pundits can guess. We can and do guess too. But we don’t know for sure.

So, there is the biggest lesson for us as humans, in my opinion. Living with this not knowing. Staying in the present. Slowing down.

Oh yes we still have to make some plans where we need to for, for instance, continuing education for our kids, care for our elders, projects ongoing at our jobs, getting supplies in for sheltering in place. Other than that, though, many of us are finding it new and interesting that we have time to think about things we normally don’t have a chance to get to.

We may be turning more to thoughts about our relationships. Our lives. Our past. Our futures. Many of us are also turning towards those piles in closets or garages or basements, and going through stuff we have put off looking at. Several people I know sorting through old photographs. Some people’s gardens are looking pretty darn good! 😊

But most importantly, I want to say that we can admit to ourselves and each other that this unprecedented “calamity” as Eckhart Tolle recently called it, is an ongoing challenge.

We need to give ourselves a lot of slack – it’s an up and down ride – sometimes we’ll feel stoic and pretty ok, sometimes we can even see the benefits of slowing down and not racing around as much as used to. And sometimes we’ll feel crabby. Irritable. Or sad. And fearful. Quite possibly exhausted – emotionally and physically.

We are ALL going through these feelings. Try to journal so you have a place to express yours. If you have a therapist, keep those appointments going online or on the phone. If you can gather family or friends together in Zoom or FaceTime, talk some about how it’s really going. Ask for help when you need it. Don’t let feeling shy hold you back from taking the risk of showing some vulnerability. You might find that doing that strengthens and deepens your bonds with friends.

Try not to get too far ahead of your skis. Keep breathing. Find creative distractions. Don’t watch too much hysterical news. Take naps. Take walks. You know the drill. I will check in more later!  Meanwhile, as we say in San Francisco: Onward Thru the Fog!

Sending love, Nancy

May you be safe.

May you be well.

May you be protected.

May you be peaceful and live with ease.