The Bloom is off the Rose: Maintaining Sanity During the Pandemic

As we enter our sixth week of sheltering in place, I keep saying to people that I notice the “bloom is off the rose”. In other words, this is starting to drag on us. Not that it was that exciting in the first place. More like it was a shock and felt extremely surreal to be quarantined.

Some of us initially felt sort of ok at home but as soon as we turned on the TV to watch news around the world, or left the house to walk around or take a drive, everything was deserted and that felt just plain weird. Here is a photo I took of Bridgeway in deserted downtown Sausalito – a normally packed tourist destination.

As in any kind of grief process, the first steps are almost always SHOCK and COMPARTMENTALIZATION as we focus on everything that needs to be done immediately. When we lose a person to death, there are bills to be paid, arrangements to be made, people to notify, an obituary to be placed, etc etc. 

In this pandemic, it’s essentially the same. Numbing shock and disbelief. And the need to zero in on what needed to be done immediately. For instance, how to buy critical supplies, including disinfectants and protective gear of all sorts. Then, how to get food and cleaning supplies delivered. Deciding whether we should take a risk and go to a store, wearing gloves and masks and taking a shower when getting home.

Parents with children have had to suddenly figure out how to set up day care or school-like settings in their homes, how to tutor their kids in subjects they might not be good at, how to keep some sense of discipline going while also recognizing that their kids are struggling too, not being able to be with their social cohort. How to get the kids some exercise. How to allay their fears, too.

Adult children with high risk senior parents have been struggling with not being able to see their folks. They can’t go to their homes, they can’t go to their nursing homes. They are trying to teach their elders how to connect using videoconferencing tools. Many times, that is working pretty well as a hopefully temporary substitute for the real thing.

Some people are working their paid jobs from home. They are lucky! Although, they are finding it is tricky to work fulltime, keep the house disinfected, the supplies coming in, the kids taken care of or caregiving an elder in their home.

Many people have been laid off or furloughed and have no income. Or worse, no income and no savings. We’ve all seen the devastating  pictures of lines and lines of cars  waiting for Food Bank supplies.

So, as this quarantine continues, how do we cope?

Some people, as we see on the news, are pushing for reopening businesses. That is very controversial. Emotions are running high. People are facing losses of income and losses of their businesses. And most people are very worried that if we open things back up too soon that we may re-experience a surge of cases and a spread of the virus. There is so much confusion about how many cases are out there. Where is the testing?!

Back to how do we cope?

Well first of all, we have to remind ourselves and each other that all of the feelings that are running rampant are totally normal. It is normal, as in grief, to feel CONFUSION, FRUSTRATION, ANGER, FEAR AND SADNESS.

We don’t have to have all the answers. We don’t have them so we may as well let ourselves off the hook there.

But we can look at our feelings, notice them, accept that they are there and not beat ourselves up over them.  Try to find anything at all that helps you feel a little less raw and stirred up.

Watch comforting videos like Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach have put together in their series A Steady Heart in Time of Coronavirus. And Eckhart Tolle’s Staying Conscious in the Face of Adversity. Any philosophers or teachers that you like or have ever liked – it may be a good time to search on youtube for videos of them.

Go to therapy online. Many of my clients were initially uncomfortable with the idea of videoconferencing or even phone sessions for their therapy sessions. However, after getting our feet wet, we are seeing that it is really a tremendous blessing to have these social media tools in order to stay in touch! The technology actually sort of disappears as we concentrate on feelings and thoughts.

Creative distractions, as a friend calls them, are good too. Light reading, uplifting movies,FaceTime or Zoom or Google Hangout conversations with family and friends. Cooking, baking, knitting, any hobbies you have. Painting. Coloring. People are reporting their gardens have never looked better since many of them are out in the yard, planting, pruning and weeding. 😊

Journaling can be a big help. Journaling *just for yourself*. A place where you can vent anything, no matter how wild. A release. It’s difficult right now to keep telling all your feelings to other people who are also having all of their own. But you need to be able to get things out of your head!

Music is good. Lots of great music is streaming online. Free concerts, broadway musicals, etc. Put on your headphones or turn up the volume, and dance!

Exercise – if you can safely get up and move around – do this! Get outside in nature while social distancing and wearing your mask.

Try to eat well. They are calling this the “quarantine 15” referring to the 15 pounds we’re all gaining during this time stuck at home.

Help someone else! People are appreciating a quick (or longer) call and check in. We’re all in this boat together. What can you do to help somebody else out, help them feel better by letting them know you are thinking about them and care about them. This helps you feel useful and might be the most important coping tool of all.

And, of course, we know eventually this too shall pass. Pray. Meditate. Give thanks for everything good you do have in your life. Practice and repeat.

Blessings, Nancy