elders
Onward Thru the Fog
I want to write a little more about what I see us going through, collectively, as a culture right now in this time of the Covid-19 pandemic.
I know this is a hard time for everyone. In renowned grief expert Dr. David Kessler and shame/vulnerability researcher Dr. Brene Brown’s remarkable recent talk on Grief and Finding Meaning, they agreed that our own grief is always the biggest. Which is to say that regardless of the extent or type of loss everyone has had, our own grief feels the biggest, and that is a normal feeling!
We are each experiencing individual losses in this time of the coronavirus – loss of routine, loss of freedom to run around to wherever we want whenever we want, perhaps loss of loved ones, loss of our own health, loss of job/businesses or income, loss of school for our kids, loss of vacation or travel plans. The list goes on and on.
And, then, together we are all collectively experiencing this unknowing when it comes
to the future. How fast will things open up? When will they come up with widespread testing? When will there be a vaccine and how will it be distributed? When will the coronavirus abate? Will things get better in the summer? Will there be a big recurrence in the fall and the winter? When will the economy recover?
Nobody knows the answers to these questions. Nobody. Experts and pundits can guess. We can and do guess too. But we don’t know for sure.
So, there is the biggest lesson for us as humans, in my opinion. Living with this not knowing. Staying in the present. Slowing down.
Oh yes we still have to make some plans where we need to for, for instance, continuing education for our kids, care for our elders, projects ongoing at our jobs, getting supplies in for sheltering in place. Other than that, though, many of us are finding it new and interesting that we have time to think about things we normally don’t have a chance to get to.
We may be turning more to thoughts about our relationships. Our lives. Our past. Our futures. Many of us are also turning towards those piles in closets or garages or basements, and going through stuff we have put off looking at. Several people I know sorting through old photographs. Some people’s gardens are looking pretty darn good! 😊
But most importantly, I want to say that we can admit to ourselves and each other that this unprecedented “calamity” as Eckhart Tolle recently called it, is an ongoing challenge.
We need to give ourselves a lot of slack – it’s an up and down ride – sometimes we’ll feel stoic and pretty ok, sometimes we can even see the benefits of slowing down and not racing around as much as used to. And sometimes we’ll feel crabby. Irritable. Or sad. And fearful. Quite possibly exhausted – emotionally and physically.
We are ALL going through these feelings. Try to journal so you have a place to express yours. If you have a therapist, keep those appointments going online or on the phone. If you can gather family or friends together in Zoom or FaceTime, talk some about how it’s really going. Ask for help when you need it. Don’t let feeling shy hold you back from taking the risk of showing some vulnerability. You might find that doing that strengthens and deepens your bonds with friends.
Try not to get too far ahead of your skis. Keep breathing. Find creative distractions. Don’t watch too much hysterical news. Take naps. Take walks. You know the drill. I will check in more later! Meanwhile, as we say in San Francisco: Onward Thru the Fog!
Sending love, Nancy
May you be safe.
May you be well.
May you be protected.
May you be peaceful and live with ease.
Concerns of Some Elders About Our Country
Many of my older clients – particularly I am finding that this is true for those in their 80’s – are increasingly concerned about the vitriol and divisiveness in our country. They are educated, informed longtime pillars of their communities and they wonder aloud, what is happening here, how can this be happening?
One of the things that some of them have in common is that they are not decades long users of social media.
None of us are, really, but some of us are more steeped in what can happen behind the scenes in technology that affects what people see online, and therefore start to think. The power of the media has grown as 24/7 one-view cable news channels have come about and proliferated. And, with the increased possibility of “trolling” online in venues such as Twitter and Facebook, and what we know about the increased capability of hackers around the world to invade systems, we are now experiencing a time of mass confusion and frustration.
It can be helpful to understand the gravity of these hacker onslaughts against supposedly secure systems.
One of my clients who is 85 and a former professor at Ivy League schools does not have experience thinking about hackers. As a former techie and internet executive, I clearly remember how intricate the hacking capability was back a few years ago. It has only advanced since then. I also remember how our governmental entities lagged behind in their knowledge and understanding of this phenomenon which left them vulnerable to break ins.
Since social media use is a big element of what is going on in terms of steering public opinion, I have found it’s helpful to some of my older clients that I discuss this with them so that they can understand a little more and get some additional answers to the dilemmas they see in our politics and population.
They are members of what many of us still call “the greatest generation” so it is a responsibility, in my opinion, to help bring them up to speed on some of this, if they are asking and expressing concern.
They also remember terribly dark times of the Great Depression, World War II (some having lived in Europe during Nazi occupation of their countries), the Korean War and more. Their voices of experience and stories need to be heard and valued. And, where possible, some of their perspectives broadened now by explaining some of the ins and outs of technology.
This is intergenerational help and healing. We need all of us now more than ever.
The Three P’s: Pride, Pleasure & Purpose
The Three P’s: Pride, Pleasure and Purpose
A Simple Guide for How to Avoid Chronic Depression in Older Life
Recently a colleague told me about the “three P’s” which she teaches in workshops to older people. It’s such a simple yet helpful mantra to guide you in finding balance. Finding balance is one of your key developmental tasks in life, and especially so in older anastrozole years. Balance can help you avoid falling into chronic depression.
Older people are balancing provimed the combination of all of the life lessons they’ve been through, hopefully getting to some “wisdom” on and off at this point. Wisdom meaning, according to Joan Erikson PhD’s research a few years ago, “to know how to”.
They are balancing their anabolicstation.com growing needs for exercise, healthy eating, enough sleep, enough friends, enough mental stimulation, enough fun of various sorts that feeds their souls, enough contribution to the greater good, etc.
Which brings me back around to the “three P’s”. I would say that the Pride part is something a lot of my clients feel pretty good about. They are oftentimes proud of their careers or their families, or their contribution to others. The Pleasure part is, on the other hand, something they are figuring out and beginning to understand they need more of. That pleasure is critical in helping them find enjoyment in older years because it helps balance out the increasing number of challenges inherent in aging. Sometimes we brainstorm about what used to give them pleasure, what gives them pleasure now, and what they might like to try in the future given their capabilities at this point in their lives.
Pleasure is usually connoted by something that feels good visually, sound-wise, smell-wise, taste-wise and touch-wise. It also encompasses doing new things because the brain loves novelty.
The trick is to find “just enough” like in the Goldilocks story – not too much, not too, not too scary, not too bland. You get the gist.
That brings up the other “P” which is Purpose. This I see as one of the most difficult challenges for older people. Many of my clients have felt clear purpose in their earlier years – e.g. raising their children, helping with their grandchildren, serving on Boards in their communities or doing other volunteer work, working at their careers, being successful in a whole manner of ways.
Now, though, they may not be working their last paying careers. They may not be needed to watch grandchildren who are getting older and more independent. They may not feel able to commit to structured schedules in a volunteer or paid part-time job. They also may feel that they have offered to share their lifetime of accumulated, and valuable knowledge with groups, businesses, organizations, schools, etc. and felt that they were ignored or rebuffed. They feel “adrift”
This brings up the subject, then, of grief. Loss of earlier identities, loss of income, loss of value by others for their wisdom, loss of a clear path, and loss of groups of friends one makes in work-related settings.
However, the way through this, is to first acknowledge this grief. To also acknowledge that we live in an ageist society that does not typically value our elders. Our older people’s voices are too often not sought out, and not listened to, and not respected.
As they educate ourselves about ageism in our society and get support for the grief that all of these aspects engender, they begin to be able to lift their heads up above this and take a look around for where they might have purpose now in their lives.
Often they come around to asking the questions: Where am I helping someone? Who is in worse or different shape than I am that I can help and who would appreciate some attention? Can I volunteer in a hospital holding preemies, can I volunteer in an assisted living community, how about in a library or a nonprofit thrift shop? Can I volunteer taking care of a pet for someone? Can I visit a home-bound neighbor who is lonely? There are so many people in need in our country and so many understaffed nonprofits trying to help.
The point is not *what* you do, but it’s about your sense of purpose. When you are thanked from the heart by
someone for something you do, you get more from the interchange than they do! This is something many volunteers say to be true – that they get more from being volunteers, they think, than the people they help.
So, Pride, Pleasure, Purpose. A simple equation, so beautiful in its simplicity and truth.
Octogenarians Worrying About America
I am finding, as I continue my counseling work with older clients – those in their 80’s in particular – that there is a concern they express about the state of our U.S. government. These people have been raised with a sense of decorum, a respect for one’s character, integrity and good manners. My clients are a small pool so I don’t have a large study going on, however, their views make sense to me. That is, that the way our government behavior seems to be devolving into an angry, polarized, rude, dishonest style of treating each other and that this is something they have not seen to this degree in our country.
They express concern about this, yes. They worry about where the government is headed. They remember times when Democrats and Republicans disagreed heartily yet were able to work together, spend time together, even be friends despite policy differences.
The anger and polarization leads them to wonder whether our democracy can survive this. My octogenarian clients also talk about other major issues like climate change and health care and tax reform. They don’t all agree on what is to be done about these things – but they watch the behavior of America’s government and shake their heads.
They watch our president’s behavior towards leaders of other countries. Again, they were raised with the values of being courteous, polite and kind as well as strong. They are embarassed and sad that America is losing its standing in the world. Remember, this is the World War II generation – the “greatest generation” as Tom Brokaw labeled them. They have been through many years of watching American men and women fight and give their lives for these values, these truths that we hold as being “self-evident”. These are people who have studied *and lived* history. There are veterans amongst them as well.
Many of the baby boomer clients I see – in their 60’s and 70’s – are also afraid and worried. They tend, in general, to still be busy, though, with working, watching grandkids, traveling, hobbies and other distractions which take up much of their contemplative time. It is the older generation I find that is expressing the most grave and deep concern about our country.
Others may say “it was ever thus”, i.e. that older generations worry about younger generations. Although my older clients did report concern about issues during the previous administration, they are much more worried at this point.
Shouldn’t we be listening to our elders more? They remember the autocratic regimes of Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini and others. They remember the warning signs, the lead-up to widespread wars. They are heartened that Dan Rather, Carl Bernstein, many historians and people who served during the Watergate hearings are being brought out to educate and remind about those times, and to share their experiences and perspectives. Much more of that is needed.
German Nursing Home Residents Featured in Classic Film Poses
Guess Which Film This Pose is From?
These photos are lovely and, best of all, the residents report having had such a wonderful time
preparing for and shooting the photos. The pictures turned out great!
“The baby-boom is over and the ageing shock awaits’’: populist media shapes this image
‘‘The baby-boom is over and the ageing shock
awaits’’: populist media imagery in news-press
representations of population ageing”
from the International Journal of Ageing and Later Life, 2011 6(2): 3971.
By ANNA SOFIA LUNDGREN & KARIN LJUSLINDER
From the authors:
“We work from the supposition that media is one of the most important sources of information (cf. Curran 2002; McLuhan 1967; McQuail 2005; Schudson 2003), especially regarding phenomena that the audience does not have any direct personal experience of. On the basis of previous research we also presuppose that media content has an impact on people regarding approaches to other persons and on the way society’s resource allocation is legitimised.”
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Conclusions of the Swedish Study
The studied newspapers showed some minor differences in the way they represented population ageing. Such differences have been described as inherent in different newspaper types tabloids and newspapers and the former should not be criticised because it is unlike the latter (Connell 1998). Our main point is, however, that all the studied representations, taken together or studied separately, supported some central and partly collective features.
They unambiguously displayed population ageing as a threat, they appointed politicians and academics as experts rather than ‘‘ordinary people’’, ‘‘wage-earners’’ or ‘‘older people’’, and they seldom defined the concept of population ageing explicitly.
These features were built up and legitimised by a range of recurring patterns: the creation of
seriousness; the use of dichotomisation; and the use of emotion. While discourse theory has otherwise been said to be a blunt and abstract tool for analysing how language is used in interaction, it proved helpful for the aim of this article: to tease out and visualise the concrete articulations that constituted the aforementioned features and patterns.
The theorisation of populism by writers influenced by discourse theory further showed valuable in providing an explanation of the potential
political implications of the kinds of equivalences found in the material. Looking at the material from a perspective of populism, there were some complexities concerning the chain of equivalence constituting the ones
threatened by population ageing.
It consisted of two main positions: wageearners and older people. However, while wage-earners were exclusively positioned as threatened, the news-press did not offer any such unambiguous positions of identification for older people. Older people were rather positioned as floating signifiers sometimes conceptualised as the one most affected, even victimised, by the threat of population ageing, and at other times described as actually being guilty of population ageing.
This floating character made it somewhat more difficult to link the positions within the chain of equivalence together, and to raise general demands in its name (cf. Griggs & Howarth 2008: 125). If the logic of populism in the news-press representations were to be truly populist in the theoretical sense of the word and thus able to attract broader coalitions of people outside the news-press discourse, urging them to identify as a united collective raising collective demands as to what needs to be done in order to deal with population ageing it would need a more unequivocal scheme of the process and its involved identities: a more palatable fantasy. Such a uniting logic is inherent in many democratic struggles and is what constitutes the strength of populist reason.
However, and importantly, such a move towards an all-embracing populist logic would risk blinding us to the nuances of the political processes of population ageing (cf. Zˇ izˇek 2006). Analysing the Swedish news-press, such an absence of a multifaceted representation of population ageing is a discernible fact. With the help of populist discourse, including a sometimes powerful and hard-hitting visual imagery comprising illustrations as well as choices of words, the news-press representationsoffer dualistic rather than a plurality of positions. However, one of our key findings is that this was not accomplished solely by the articles that were ‘‘apocalyptic’’ in character.
Furthermore, articles that seemed quite different, and written from a seemingly ‘‘neutral’’ point of view, contributed to, rather than contradicted, the populist features. Taken together, the implicit choice posed to the audience (the ‘‘we’’, ‘‘us’’ or ‘‘society’’) stood between doing nothing and awaiting disaster, or following the suggested measures with the effect that a demographic situation is made to naturalise certain political ideas, making them appear administrative, rather than political in character. This is a choice that is not really a choice.
In this article, we have stayed within the frames of the news-press discourse, and we have argued that its visual imagery displays populist tendencies that work ideologically to de-politicise the issue of population ageing. These tendencies, although not devout of some ambiguity, offer certain positions for the audience. They do not say, however, how the audience will react. It has been noted that people’s responses to populist and post-political tendencies displaying ineligible choices are themselves often populist people will either protest or ignore them. One topic for further research would be to investigate how people respond to the images of population ageing that are presented by the news-press, among Media representations of population ageing others, and how such images are made comprehensible within the frames of everyday life.
Volunteering as Older Adults – Why Is It a Good Idea and Where Can I Help?
Volunteering is good for our health.
Regular reports in local newspapers and publications extol the great contributions of Marin’s many individuals who generously volunteer their time and leadership skills to help local organizations.
A report published by the Marin Community Foundation entitled “Volunteering by Older Adults in Marin County: the Impact on Volunteers and the Organizations They Serve”, read:
“Older adult volunteers represent a significant resource that nonprofits can leverage during a time ofdecreased funding and increased demandfor services. Marin County’s growing population of older adults is rising to meet this increase in demand for volunteers.”
What may be less known, however, is how beneficial the practice of volunteerism is to the health and wellbeing of the volunteers themselves.
According to the MCF report, the following are some of the major benefits to older adults of serving as volunteers in their communities:
1. Enhanced sense of purpose and self-worth. Contributing wisdom and know-how based on past careers, special interests, experience and life lessons leaves volunteers with a sense of satisfaction and of being valued.
2. Improved mental and physical health. Over half of older adult volunteers report that volunteering contributes moderately or significantly to their physical health, helps them feel significantly better emotionally and “keeps their minds sharp.”
3. Increased confidence in one’s ability to make a difference in the community. Older adult volunteers emphasize how fulfilling it is to use their time, skills and experience to make differences in their communities.
4. Greater social support and community involvement. Volunteering helps most people feel more connected to their communities.
5. Exposure to new experiences and perspectives. Meeting new people, sharing skills, and hearing life stories leads to changing perspectives about community groups and issues.
6. Increased connection to younger generation. Older volunteers emphasize how energizing and valuable it is to spend time helping out younger people and feel that they are making a positive difference in these young folks’ lives.
Where Can I Go To Volunteer My Help?
This is easy to find out in Marin. We are fortunate to have Volunteer Marin, a program of Marin’s Center for Volunteer and Nonprofit Leadership. Founded in 1965 as the Volunteer Bureau, the Center has been building the capacity of volunteers and nonprofits for over 40 years.
If you are Internet savvy, it is simple to log in to a very cool tool: www.VolunteerMarin.org. Once on their home page, click on “Opportunities”. You will see a calendar of all kinds of opportunities, organizations, locations, dates and times that way.
You can also do wonderfully fruitful, customized searches by specifying your specifics and preferences, such as:
- your location, and how far you might be willing to travel
- your weekly schedule; what dates you are and are not available
- what kinds of things you would like to do, for instance:
-
- work with a particular organization
- address a specific issue area, like arts, education, health, hunger, environment, or justice.
- apply your special skills such as administrative, counseling, animal services, education, or construction.
- specify what kinds of people you’d like to serve, such as age, gender, ethnic group, LGBT, veterans, families, or visitors.
- select types of activity
- choose upcoming events that need volunteers
-
I tried out the Volunteer Search Tool and entered a stipulation that volunteer opportunities be within 10 miles of my home in Mill Valley. Up came 120 different interesting opportunities for volunteering at great organizations, including:
- The Redwoods
- The Audubon Center & Sanctuary
- The Marine Mammal Center
- Project Coyote
- Hospice By The Bay
- Marin History Museum
- Fair Housing
- Marin Art & Garden Center
- Marin School Garden Network
- The Bay Model
- The Civic Center
- and more
Doing things like…
- tutoring kids
- serving as a tour guide or docent
- taking care of injured animals
- coordinating cultural and entertainment events
- visiting the dying
- serving hot meals to the homeless
- designing web site and marketing materials
- doing historical research
- reading stories to children
- managing a website
- leading arts groups
- working with autistic children
- and so much more
For those of you who are unable to access Volunteer Marin online, you can contact them on the telephone through their parent organization, the Center for Nonprofit and Volunteer Leadership at415-479-5710.
In this time of decreasing funding for excellent causes, and increased need by our fellow citizens, consider helping out and doing yourselves a favor, too. Try becoming a volunteer.
Another Great Resource in Marin for Aging in Place
The Marin Center for Independent Living
As we’ve been hearing, by 2020, the population of older adults in Marin will almost double. This statistic is based on findings in the Marin Community Foundation Publications: “Report on Services of Older Adults in Marin” and “A Portrait of Marin.”
Older adults in our county vary greatly in their economic levels, education, physical abilities, health situations and access to family support. One thing is certain, though, and that is that almost everybody faces or will face a time when they are looking for help.
The Marin Center for Independent Living (MCIL) is an amazing local nonprofit agency dedicated to empowering our Older and/or Disabled Adults to live rich, independent lives in their own homes. MCIL provides a wealth of information, peer support and an in-depth Personal Care Attendant Registry.
MCIL was founded in 1979, organized by a group of dedicated volunteers, following the world changing movement for disability rights begun next door in Berkeley in the 1960’s. It does not charge for its services.
MCIL runs an elegant and simple to use online matching service to help people find carefully screened, competent and compassionate local caregivers – it’s called QuickMatch.org. There are customizable search preferences so consumers can hone in on caregivers’ specific skills, availability, trainings/certifications, and work experience.
MCIL’s Personal Care Attendent Registry is important to know about because: using a for-profit home care agency, a consumer’s current cost for private home care in Marin can average about $60,000/year* (for 44 hours of care/week). The for-profit agency manages all the details for you and charges you for that service.
However, using MCIL as your guide, support and screening agency to directly employ your own caregivers can save you a significant amount of money. For the same 44 hours/week, using MCIL registry caregivers, your cost would average about $40,000/year. This is a wise choice to know about and to consider when you are weighing your options.
In addition, MCIL provides information and support on a full range of topics including:
- assistive technologies
- benefits planning
- personal care and coping skills
- financial management
- household management
- home modification
- housing assistance
- individual advocacy
For more information, go to www.marincil.org or www.quickmatch.org or call them at (415) 459-4265.
*National Clearinghouse for Long Term Care Information, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: Planning for LTC. Date accessed, January 18, 2012.
*U.S. Department of Health and Human Services National Clearinghouse for Long Term Care Information, 10/22/08.
Are We Giving Up on our Oldest Adults Benefiting from the Internet?
The Digital Have-Not’s – Our Oldest Adults – Closing the Gap
(Click on the link above to read a good summary of this issue written by blogger Laurie Orlov.)
Are we as a society just giving up on the 75+ age group as far as encouraging and teaching them about the valuable information, tools, and community they can find online?
People point out there is scarce funding to reach these people – they are the digital have-not’s. I think they are the digital “would be’s” if there were helpers to teach them about the benefits (connection with friends and family, health information, interesting stories, etc.) of online and to teach them how.
Locally-focused online communities focused on aging, grassroots reviews leading to accountability of service and product providers, social connection, information-sharing… this has to be one answer. Again, with some help to teach how.
How Music Improves the Memory of Dementia Patients
A new, beautiful film called “Alive Inside” has premiered in New York City this month. The film features the story of a 92 year old gentleman with dementia named Henry Dryer who basically was almost noncommunicative until music came back into his life. He had loved music when he was young and now that he listens to music regularly, he sings songs, carries on brief conversations, can recall some memories and even dance. He has “come alive”.
The film tracks the lives of seven patients with dementia, including Henry, who have benefitted through the work of a nonprofit called Music & Memory which donates iPods and personalized music to people with dementia. “Music imprints itself on the brain deeper than any other human experience. Music evokes emotion, and emotion can bring with it memory… it brings back the feeling of life when nothing else can,” says renowned neurologist Oliver Sacks who appears in the film.
To read more, click here